My Merits

April 29th, 2012

In my senior in high school I was head of drama and costume designer of the school production. Even though I graduated I was head costume designer for the school production for this year as well. It was a good experience and a lot of hard work because I had to start each costume from scratch. I had to go looking for the right material, design the right cut out and then sew the pieces together. I gained a lot from both of those jobs. I learned to be creative, to work with what I have and I learned how to be a leader, to work as a team, and to delegate what I could not do myself. Those are important tactics to know when you’re applying for a job or if you’re already in the working field. You have to learn how to work with others who may not agree with you all the time and you have to know how to use the tools and material that is given to you in order to show that you could do the best that you can.

I also volunteered at New York Hospital Queens for three months. I worked with children in the child life department and I was there to keep them entertained, read them books etc. when their parents were not around. I also made up projects for them to make and sometimes I would just sit and listen to them talk if they needed someone there for them. This job gave me experience working in a hospital with nurses doctors and parents, which was a very different work environment then I was used to.

I would be a good candidate for this scholarship because I’m a determined person and I get things done when I’m told. In addition, I’m creative and I could work with what I have and I have good people skills. My past working experiences has been in various working environments which gives me the ability to be easily adjusted to any work environment I may be put in.

 

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2 Responses to “My Merits”

  1. salvarez on May 11, 2012 3:52 pm

    Danna, I was unable to leave comments to your Essay 3 on its page, so I left them here.

    ————–
    First off, I should mention your writing has improved much over the duration of the semester. If you compare how you’re writing in this essay with some of your early blog posts, you’ll notice quite a change.

    There are a few places where you forgot to italicize the name of the publication. Also, make sure you alphabetize your sources in your works cited. The subtitles, as well, should be boldfaced, but not underlined.

    I think you should add one more paragraph to your conclusion, thinking specifically how you could see the problem you noted being addressed by Queens. Should teachers give extra time, should students get tutoring, should maybe QC establish some kind of mentorship program . . . what do you think? How would a student like you, for example, get involved in helping students learning English?

    I like the work you did with structure and intergrating quotes. Keep using PIE paragraphs, they really work. You did an excellent job integrating the sources while also articulating an argument/analysis.

    Fix the MLA stuff, and also fix the citation for

    Eitle, Tamela McNulty. “Religious affiliation and beliefs about racial inequality: White college students’ attitudes about Black-White and Native American-White inequality.” The Social Science Journal Volume 46. Issue 3 (2009): 506-520. Print.

    You need to convert this to the form like you have for Clark.

    7.5 out of 8 points.

  2. salvarez on May 17, 2012 12:42 pm

    Danna, for your Essay 4, Personal Statement

    I like how you began with an anecdote, but again, be more specific. You don’t have to use the girl’s actual name, but give her a name. How you have her here is fine, but being specific will give your voice more authenticity, or ethos. Let’s just pretend you call her Sally.

    Next, you might think about how you can bring back Sally from your first paragraph, and back toward the end. How your education inspired by Sally would help children like her. What would you do for children like Sally in the future? Start a research institute? Maybe you should also focus on the location, as in geographical location, you would like to work in and serve, especially Queens. If Queens, be specific with what neighborhoods.

    Great job with the research into the department. You should also mention that you want to publish your research findings in journals. What about teaching classes? Also, Ph.D. has periods in it.

    8 out of 8 points.

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